More than You Know

We all have experienced “life”.  We all have or have had different situations, whether good or bad.  But, to what degree?   Each one of us have a story to tell.  Some of us more than others.  Or so you think.  To be told that “You will experience some ups and some downs and a few bumps and bruises” is very true but is an understatement. Unfortunately, domestic violence is real.  It is as common as cancer or a common cold.   It is more than a simple description of “bumps and bruises”.  Abuse of any sort is a tragedy and a disgrace to all involved.

Have you ever asked yourself “Why me?” or “Am I the only one?”.  No matter who you are there will be times where you feel helpless or have no control.  Having the ability to recognize moments of distress or serious and problematic situations that leave you powerless are not always immediate.   There are also times where people do not consider themselves to be a victim because they don’t relate to the term or they don’t believe that they are being abused.  Disassociation of trauma, can become second nature.  These are just a few common traits of someone who is being physically harmed or have been battered.

There are different types of domestic violence, it has many faces and carries many traits. If you’ve ever been abused, are currently in an abusive relationship or know someone who is being abused, the first thing is to get help.  You can’t get help if you don’t want to get out.  You can’t help someone if you do not recognize the signs of a person who is being abused.   No one will ever know how many people are being or have been abused, because the victim remains silent.  Second, speak up don’t be afraid to tell someone that you are being abused.  Don’t be afraid to tell someone that you are afraid.  The longer you stay silent the more you will be abused and can possibly lose your life.  There are so many reasons why women and men remain silent and why people turn a blind eye to abuse.  There are a lot of people who think that abuse is normal, they may be apprehensive or may not want to get involved, they don’t pay attention to the signs and messages around them regarding an abused friend or loved one.   If you are truly concerned with ending abuse and saving someone’s life, please take on the mantra and feel free to interrupt.  Don’t consider it sticking your nose in someone else’s business, don’t look away, don’t allow yourself to be in denial of what you know is right or wrong.  Take the initiative by being proactive. Don’t be afraid to get involved.  Be the voice that your friend or loved one will need to save them.   Voicing your opinion and/or concerns may cause friction but will serve the right purpose.  Always remember that abusers have many secrets in the most important of them all is that they don’t want to be exposed for who they really are they don’t want anyone to know what they’re doing and what they have done.  Third, your abuse was never and is not your fault.  Believe me when I tell you that you were never singled out in this world to be harmed or to constantly live in chaos, pain, fear and/or drama.  There is nothing “negatively special” about you, you didn’t make any mistakes, you are not a mistake.  God took his time when he intricately created you to be beautiful and talented.   Now I’m not saying that you should compare yourself and/or your abuse to other people.  I want you to understand that abuse is universal and can happen to anyone.  Abuse has no boundaries.  There is no such thing as favoritism.  Regardless, of your physical or mental health, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, political status, level of education, ethnicity and/or your nationality.  Abuse affects rich people, poor people, young and old people.

To start the journey of being a survivor you must respect yourself and love yourself enough to know that you deserve better and that you will have better. You must be your own best friend.  Understand that you were tailor made.  Start telling yourself and believing that you are beautiful! Take the time to start focusing on you.  I like to call it “Soul Searching”.  This is the process where you begin to put you first! Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

  • Are you happy or how can you make yourself happy?
  • Are you being truthful to yourself?
  • Who are you?
  • How do you move forward?
  • Do you think that you are essential?
  • What do you want in life?
  • What are your goals?

I hope that I message will touch the right people.  For more information and resources on getting help to get out of an abusive relationship or if you would like to join our private Facebook group please email us at gethelp@blacklipstickconversations.org

 

This writing was taken from my book “When Yesterday is Always Today”. This article is Copyright protected under the law.

 

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